I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
