Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
