I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
