Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
