so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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