I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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