We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
