I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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