Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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