Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
