just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
