Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
