you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
