he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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