Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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