so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
