Already got asked if we're dating
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
