This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Fuck appropriateness.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
