I'm drive I can fine osifer
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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