You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
