Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
