suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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