Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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