addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
