RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
