Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
