It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
