I think my vagina is haunted
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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