What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
