i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
