My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
