i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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