i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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