I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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