Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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