white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
