1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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