He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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