how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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