Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
