i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
