Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
