Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
