Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
