I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It was confusing and full of hummus
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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