I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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