I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
3 2 1 whiskey
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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