also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
