Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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