I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
