I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
