it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
